Happy February everyone! We’ve made it through January, everyone’s least favorite month around here it seems. Our January actually flew by. The wedding was early January, then we visited with Colton’s mom a lot the week after because she’d had a hip replacement and his dad was on a work trip. Then at the end of that week Colton’s Grandpa Matheson passed away, and we took a trip down to Parowan for the funeral.
I’ll do a separate post with pictures from Parowan, a bunch are still on our camera. So in the meantime here’s a photo of Teddy with some flowers from the viewing.
I guess the trick to January is taking long weekends with lots of family you don’t get to see very often and suddenly it’s February!
The other thing that seemed to help January fly by for me was daily journaling. I started doing a #morningpageschallenge that Julianne Hough posted on Instagram. Basically it was to write a little every morning, and it could literally be about anything we wanted. I posted about this on Instagram already, but I was just using the challenge as a way to get back into daily journaling. I never expected to have a breakthrough emotionally and mentally and learn more about who I am. This is part of what I posted on Instagram at the end of the challenge with the photo:
“I’ve been journaling since I was six, mostly writing about day to day stuff- purely a record. With this challenge the purpose was to just write. It could be about whatever. I found myself not only writing about the day to day but also random thoughts, hopes, and even a little poetry. And one day was amazing, and I discovered something about myself that really struck me on a deeper level. And it was about being braver. But I wasn’t sure what it was I was afraid of, so I just kept writing. Here an excerpt from my journal- ‘I struggle with being brave enough to pursue my own skills. Painting is a huge one that I’ve struggled with. I have a problem with thinking that no matter how good I am, someone will be better, or maybe someone will be disappointed with my skill level. None of that makes any sense. Of course someone will always be better than me, but why should that stop me from pursuing something? Also the disappointment thing is nonsense. I know I’m good at art. That’s why I studied it. Why would I have majored in something I wasn’t even remotely talented in? Everyone has different experience levels and different art styles, that’s what makes art special.’
After I wrote that, it suddenly hit me that I am talented. I’m good at art. Why the H would I have studied it?? And out of nowhere I started getting emotional, and Colton was very confused what was going on, and it was super embarrassing. But for the first time ever, I not only wrote this down, but believed it: I am good at art. I am an artist.
So in the spirit of continuing to be brave, I share all of this on social media to publicly acknowledge that I’m a talented artist, and to also tell you how good writing can be for your soul. Which is dang cheesy to say, but there’s no other way for me to describe it. Thank you @juleshough for putting this challenge together. I’ve been trying to get back into the habit of daily journaling, and this was a great way to do it. And here’s to more bravery from me. 💜”
It really felt so good to discover that about myself. It’s okay to be afraid of something, it’s okay to admit it, it’s okay to talk about it. In fact, I feel like the more I’m able to talk about something I’m afraid of, whether it’s talking to a person or just writing it down for myself, the better I can process it and overcome the fear. I’ve always absolutely loved the quote from the new Cinderella movie: Have courage and be kind. That movie is beautiful and happy and I watch it whenever I want to have a better day, it’s just so uplifting to me. Anyways, now I have good reason to apply that quote to myself in a very personal way.
Another thing I’m afraid of is pursing other interests like blogging, photography, and writing. I’m very afraid of judgment and I worry too much about what others think about me. Which is something I’m very aware of and something I’ve tried hard to overcome. If I upset someone I analyze it for weeks and think about what I could have done differently. Also why do people take things so personally so quickly? If the intent is clearly not to offend, don’t freaking get offended, it was an accident you were offended. I think a big part of it is social media. I’ve seen how mean people can be on social media because they can hide behind a screen and how easily people choose to be offended over the dumbest stuff in comments. So that makes me afraid to really pursue my blog or post pictures or talk about things that might offend people. And I think what would help me is to just say to myself, “Hey, it’s okay. Literally everything you do will offend someone in some way, because that’s just how people are.”
So here’s to a year of bravery. Here’s to me. Here’s to creating and meeting goals (I’ll talk about goal-making later! I have a good system I came up with this year). Here’s to becoming a better artist. Here’s to posting more on my blog because I love taking photos and writing. Here’s to being braver and kinder. Here’s to not being afraid that I’m not good enough, because as long as I’m doing what I like and I’m happy and I’m surrounded by good friends and family, who the hell cares?
